Separating Self- GM vs Life

One of the first things we try to do as Game Masters (GMs) is bring a truly immersive story to our players. We want those at the table to connect with their character and feel like they are part of the world. There are, quite often, times where this immersion means that as a GM you are using harsh tones, heavy combat hits, and putting the players in situations that are frustrating. When this happens, tempers could flare, and managing that can be quite the task. So, how do we manage those intense moments?

Do NOT take game frustration personally

Your players know that you, as the GM, are doing a job and that job is not a direct reflection on your real self. The situation in which they find themselves can lead to some seriously rough speech and when that happens, you, as GM, the “person behind the curtain”, “god”, are the easiest and most direct outlet. After all, we are the ones that put them in this position right? One of the things I have learned in all my years doing this is that when you are able to give the players space to be frustrated and vent out their aggitation without seeing it as an attack on you the game continues beautifully.

There was a sitiuation I put players into where they wanted desperately to save a group of people through diplomacy. While their efforts were valiant, the dice did not allow for them to be super successful, AND there was a factor they had not fully embraced… The people they wanted to save were enthralled by vampires. Because the party was not able to completely talk their way out of combat and suspicion from the NPCs one player made a comment about how I was effectively “forcing us to be murder hobos”… The truth is, they were not being forced to kill anyone, and as it worked out they were able to find, and destroy, the vampires controlling the village allowing them the victory they sought with minimal casualties.

Had I broken the immersion to explain what was happening, or returned their frustration with aggression of my own we would have lost not only time in the game, but respect toward one another. By stopping the game to tell them they do not have to be murder hobos but think differently breaks the immersion and makes the reward feel less earned and impactful. Taking the angry words thrown at me and spitting back at the player in some way would be a reflection of myself for thinking they are talking about the person and not the personna. As a GM I am a completely different human than who I am outside the game. Now, should thing ever get too heated the correct answer is to take a break and allow things to de-escalate. Perhaps call the session for the night. Regardless of stepping back early or letting events unfold. It is also a good idea to do a post session recap where you can talk with your players about things they did. Don’t give away what you have planned, but reflect on choices. In the event of a TPK then it would be wise to explain other avenues you had prepared for them to take which could have changed the outcome.

Player emotions, in general, should be seen as a good thing as a GM. Again, we want them happy, sad, immersed in their character so that the stakes feel real. When you weave an event that has them cursing at you, remember they are “mad” at the GM not their friend. Take time after the session to discuss things and see what went well and what didn’t. Remind people that just because certain people were targeted by monsters, or even the fate of dice rolls in social encounters, it is not a reflection of them as a person either. Everything in game should stay in game.

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